Beethoven revisited

I can never wander too far in nearly any direction mentally or otherwise without a red flag popping up reminding me of Beethoven. It started in elementary school music class, piano lessons, and throughout college music courses, but today it was unexpected:

Beethoven composed his greatest music after he was deaf.

Ok, no big revelation to anyone that he was deaf, but it was curious to me that the teacher likened it to a runner loosing ability to use their legs. I thought alot about "Dr. Strange" who looses ability of his hands and accordingly looses his self worth because his self was tied to being a great surgeon. This is what prods him on to end up saving the world, though it was never intended.

What was most peculiar and made me think about it more was that I had never thought of music composition as relying on any senses. To me Beethoven naturally would compose better music when he was not limited by the way he observed his music with his ears. My dad used to talk about hearing this great music but being frustrated by trying to capture it and make it audible. We all "hear" music and even words that never make a sound.

My older brother drove a seminary teacher crazy because wheneber she would ask him to read or such he would sit for a while and then ask, "oh, did you mean out loud?"

Anyhow, how this all ties in is that again I am reminded that my impediments may only be blinders to force me to do and realize what I have.

The Jist

I took many notes today of brilliant things that were said that I wanted to remember, and when I write them down I will not likely reread them, but I have to think them twice to write them down and for the time when I focus on a particular thing, it gets more nural oathways devoted to it. As a trainer, I learned a technique that seems well proven of repeating things to insure they are actually stored in a way that they can more easily be recalled upon request and so I hopeby recalling s few thoughts over again I will have recorded them 3 times thereby learning the, right?

This was information given to teachers, but had such practicality to any parent.

"It is so difficult for teachers to not give attention to bad behaviors." Especially when that is the intention and thereby cause of the bad behavior.

"When trying to alter a bad behavior, it needs to be replaced."

So often, the observable behavior is a "symptom" or result of something other than what is expected. If a child is lacking a thing the may lack the ability to communicste that and so they exhibit a behavior that is percieved in a different way than it was intended. A good example would be a child who cannot concentrate because they are hungry and focused on food, but they act distracted and unable to focus and even confrontational. At first glance these behaviors might be seen as some special need or cognitive trouble, but such a child once labled as cognitively "special" is more likely to actually become such and have negative lifelong side effects instead of just getting a healthy breakfast.

That last little bit was just what seemed to be the overarching message of my instruction today.

Guilt is oppressive?

It occurred to me that the very motivation or judgement of a thing falls due to a sense of ought or morality. The most formidable foe would be one who could dull or remove any guilt, thus granting freedom. Terrifying, that is exactly the thing being destroyed constantly. It feels like the ideas, satisfying if not extended any further, that were presented last year by some evangelists who tried to explain an eternal goal in terms or mortal motivation. The message boiled down to an idea that God made a beautiful garden in which he intended man kind to live in forever, never being burdened by failure that comes from knowing anything greater exists. Fortunately, Adam and Eve decided that suffering was worth it to be aware. I am not positive, but I think it is better to feel guilt at failing to treat one another with kindness because it is supposed to be, not naturally IS.

Copper Scroll

I want to scream at the tv. I  am watching a documentary about the dead sea scrolls because I actually had been very close to them when I went on a blind date to the dead sea exhibit at BYU years ago. And they are grasping to find a reason a sect who was not materialistic would have such a document preserved on copper which would have been difficult to keep.

It is obvious to me that money was buried and documented, like a time capsual, like the "voice from the dust". Because money would be needed to rebuild the New Jerusalem this was a pious contribution to that end. It seems almost obvious to me but, they keep quoting "scholars believe" and each readon is completely wrong.

So, I said my piece.

I think the owners of the Dead Sea Scrolls are the same Church of God as is the "Mormon" church. As I have observed from archeological information compared to Latter-day temples.

Homosexuality

Ok, I just saw a thing that cannot be unseen and I had so many "snide remarks" welling up that I respected expressed wishes that I keep my snide remarks to myself and "get a blog".

There was a photo showing locations that punished homosexuslity by death. Instantly I thought, well duh, move then, if you do not like the rules sonewhere. It reminded me of that Lady why lived in Mississippi and felt prosecuted because she was not religious and tried to remove all prayer from social life. I get so upset, how one or few people want to gain their "freedom" by taking away everyone elses, when  people are "free" to live where they want. Second I sort of laughed at the terminology "punishable by death" cause, to me homosexuality already is such in itself. I mean, think I f Animals and how many genus or species are homosexual. Probably, any that were are endangered or extinct, unless sone species evolved to a point where sexual reproduction did not require both sexes.

My final tirade was how on the map, it was instantly obvious that the only places where it was acceptable were non acvanced, third world countries. So, in a blink, I thought, hmm, it must be a part of being civilized to realize the punishment of a bahavior that otherwise might kill off a nation ought to be discouraged. With that I wondered if further enlightenment comes because of cultural advancements or whether the enlightenment causes advancements.

What you need...

Acording to the words of Jordan Peterson
"You need a philiosphy that can withstand tradgedy."

Remember this

"Reality manifests itsel in the particulars."

"Chistanity died at the hands of it's own construction."

"Action is oriented by thought." That is the same Idea I got from reading a preface or something in "Lectures on Faith".

I love how the exact same idea can be expressed in a way that it (the communicated message)becomes a symbolic spear or sword that pierces the heart.

As a side note, I was noticing that I can feel a much stronger, noticeable pulse in my stomach than my wrist or even neck. That means something... I AM an alien. I knew it! So close, but tiny hints are there, eat you heart out Mulder!

Fidget spinners

Even though they are pointless, I had a reason to get them for my children. The fidget spinners are a fad, but one my kids are so obsessed with and cheap enough I could afford them. It seemed like a no brainer. Plus, I knew that if the kids believed they would somehow make them better kids, they probably would. Fastforward to present day, they have been lost/forgotten but if I had never gotten them I would still be pestered. I got to use them as a case study on how retail therapy as I call the "keeping up with the Jones". Peer pressure, gives nothing back if given in to. It reminds me of an idea my first husband had of taking the kids to toy stores and letting them touch and even pose with their toys, knowing that they would tire of them even before we could get to the counter to buy them, thus saving alot of money. It almost always works, only my husband now always sticks to traditional rules of do not touch anything and so going to places like ToysRUs is pure torture instead of cathartic. So, instead the kids watch a whole lot of videos anout toys, like ptoduct reviews. The kids know the ins and outs of every toy and they even got to have thrir own fidget spinners... for a while. (Glad that is over.)

Trangender athletes

Regarding a story I read about a boy who merely claimed he was a girl to win track events.

I am still think about this because I know that it will not just go away if I do not acknowledge it, and I like to discuss relevant things with my children and this is part of the crazy world they will live in where being a "good boy" is too vague. I need to inform them how one should react to such things.

My son pointed out that he figured if they were s boy growing up then they would have boy muscles. Because I have taught him that girl snd boy muscles are different in how they store and access fat thus making women "softer". You never know when you lightly say a thing and it will become monumental to him. This is the case with muscle growth in men and women for him. Ofcourse, we have not even begun to talk about chemical differences yet, still he had an interesting point if DNA determines muscle formation than even with drug/hormonal treatment would the person actually be changed? It is like taking a terrible althlete and giving them steriods. It would not mean that they would suddenly have an unfair advantage only that they had an chemical advantage. Maybe a better example would be my high school cross country team. At the start of the year, I had the "natural" advantage and was a higher position on the team, but gradually one by one others were beating me. I figured it was just that enough time meant there was a shift from who had the better physical make up to who worked hardest and honestly, I did not work hard. Then, at a regional competition, a few girls asked me what pain killer I was taking cause it clearly wasn't working. Apparently, many girls were changing their performance by taking pain killing drugs. But, the girls who only possesed a desire to win but not the ability, no amount of painkiller made a difference and though, I moved down a few notches, I still, to this day, am not convinced it was due to pain killers. I believe that regardless of chemical advantage, the body is what makes someone win or loose. Hormones effect strength, but not the creation of the DNA or does it. I am no expert.

But, Holy Crap, batman! What kind of world is this going to be? Lately, I hear so much chatter regarding robotic manipulation, gender altering, etc. Pretty soon " who" anyone is will be so fluid and unreliable we will look back at the days of weight gain being the enemy fondly.

Prayer pen pal

I often think of people whom I rarely see as I pray and showing my age, I often equate prayer to the song Feivel sang in "American Tale" where it is acknowledged that no matter how far apart people may be they are looking at the same moon. I think that about prayers, further, if the God we are both praying to, really nothing can seperate us if we believe, not even death. But, I was thinking right now about how the time I wrote to a magazine I read and figured others were reading it too, so I felt absolutely compelled to ask for addresses so that I might write to them. The very funny thing about pen pals and God is that regardless of the evidence, you never know who you are actually talking to. Without saying anything in detail, last night I saw a movie where a guy was praying and someone interceeded and claimed to be the one who could give them whatever it was they wanted and it struck me how much this person wanted to know what drove the other guy to pray for it.

Like that, but less religious, I just heard about a 10 yr old girl write to and eventually meet someone who the press had decided to demonize and it made me wonder at how it was claimed not to be opinion, but this man was terrible. But, that did not convince me, so I thought of the story my dad told us about seeing terrible scenes of a fire and riots in Detroit so, he wanted to go see it. Um, dumb Idea, huh? Well, ends up he drove all over detroit and only found one small fire. He did find an actual fire, so that was true, but not an entire city burning down as the news made it appear.

I suspect that happens alot using the internet to communicate, it is as blind as praying. You have to decide what you believe.

Here is an actual tid bit

"...conventional bombing raid."

Ok, think.

Stick figures and such

This post was perfection. I am terribly sad that no one ever saw it or will. The stick figure was just a drawing I made of a teacher in 2nd grade art class and through my failure and breakdown from acknoeledgement that I could not recall eveny own father enough to draw him my teacher explained that there are many types of memories and perhaps minecwas just unusual, later it was labled as "auditory".

I have noticed how as a child I simpky was un aware of life as mosr knew it. My father was likely my greatest rolemodel but What mattered enough to be remembered was things he said or the sound his sses make ehen he talks
Even blindfolded I could find him by listening for his speech.

Almost every role model to a child is a stick figure. Even when my daughter draws me, my form is unconsequential. Instead she focuses on my disposition/demeanor or eye color. I never snd csn not imagine ever even caring if any of my heroes was fit or fat. I never even notice that Barbie was not typical until fairly recently.

Elkhart

I want to tell my theory about the name oposed to what I had been taught.

It was first believed to have been an Indian name. Then I was told that they could find no elk anywhere near there so then from a satellite view they decided the city was in the shape of a heart has it is called Elkhart.

My theory, however, is different, much different. I believe the Indians found the town just as I was taught. They could not find anything but cattle strange Kendall but they didn't have a name for so they did they knew they weren't elk but the native americans were familiar with elk out so they called it Elkhart which makes more sense because it isn't heart.

Strange memory

I was trying to fall asleep when I started stressing about a paper I wrote years ago on Gothic archetechturein the carhedral in Colonge (Köln), Germany. I recall the teacher being from Armenia, but not even what state or class I eould have written such a paper. So, why the heck would I be worried about what I wrote about it when I actually know nothing about it? It does not matter at all amyway. It was just the kind of thing I did. I loved that Catherdral and wanted the world to know I climbed it's steps (though I don't remember doing do, now). They were doing reconstruction on it at the time, I was told there was usually an elevator available but, mot during construction...hmmm. they had elevators when the Cathedral was constructed? Also, I wonder where all those pamphlets/books went, and why I had that guy for a teacher, it was a temporary thing. I can remember that.

Funny

My father has Tudor blood and my husband's mother has Stewart ancestry. Pretty ironic, but my mother and father both are descendants of the Stewarts, too. But, I really wonder who isn't sometimes.

Simplicity, huh?

The very fact that he explains it as simple solidifies a supernatural source. What one man defines as simple another defines as impossible.

And the track record is eirie to impossible.

What I figured out today

I got it!!!!!!!!
I finally know why I did not stumble and fall where others who were much greater than I had.

I doubt I will be able to explain it, but there is a chasm seperating man's ability to understand.  The best way to explain it, although it feels like a chasm where the ground just drops out from under your feet, it is understood better as a fledgling learning to fly. All is safe and secure in the nest under mother's watchful care. Every need is met and a great admiration grows.  This is like us learning about reality from our homes/parents. Birds are designed to fly and the day comes when each must become like their parent. The bird gets pushed out to a death or flying. This is like the way men understand things. Everything made sense in mother's nest and the way she saw it, but that isn't helping me now!

Some of us realize who we are and who we must become independent of what those around us do, but some perish quickly, the worst fate is those who scramble back to safety and blame their failure to become to believing they could fly in the first place, and they refuse to believe who they are, or acknowledge it. And no matter what you say, if the person does not believe in themselves, they will find comfort in what is safe, maybe even excel and if that is hsppiness to them, let them? But, that happiness fails to reach it's potential!

I realized this because I was listening to sensible gospel truths, and I sorta feel like something is Santa Clausish, maybe it is fir my good and happiness, but it is not the whole truth sort of thing. It is important to know that mortality does not represent life in entirety, sort of like we do not comprehend things entirely, but we have the potential to.

It feels like I could not possibly understand even a portion of what anyone could make sense out of on earth, anyway, but it is finite. We are not. Like that little bird, we must learn to fly if we are ever to reach our potential.

Oh, that and that sex is not love. It is more of a art form or way to create. Yes, I bet the most important creation but, like any recipe or pattern it may or may not ever equal the original.

Eyes of understanding

I want to remember and speak my {mind?} concerning this.

Alright, now is as good as any to write something here. I was listening to a video about Egypt, sort of eavesdropping inentionally when I heard an old man tell a thing he had been taught when he was young. It was that we say "I saw you in my dream last night" but, "seeing" anyone is proposterous in a dream cause our eyes are closed, but that is how we say things in English. In Egyptian there isn't even a way to say the equilvalent of death or dying. The concept in egyptian is translated as "westing" it is likened to the Sun when it sets. It will return again,  it is just sort of buried in the dirt and then goes to the other side until finally rising again in the East. Their culture was founded on a concept of immortality, so things are hard to even say in words created by a fatalistic culture.

I recall the word  Wadi being taught to me one day in Mississippi. It was the word used to explain what we would call a river bed devoid of water. Ah hah! I understood how more was being translated than just words, but a way of seeing things.

Then, yesterday, I was reading about how someone's eyes of understanding were opened and they saw more than they had previously.

When someone says, "I just want my voice to be heard." It means more along the lines of being understood, and although we understand that perfectly,  in other cultures the literal word for word translation would sound crazy to listen, but not hear.

Actually, all senses are electric impulses discerned by the brain, so we do not avtually need to use our eyes to see. What is percieved as sight in dreams is no less teliable than the information that originated in our eyeballs. Infact, I call such vision as being through eyes of our understanding.