Loco? coco

I suppose my type of mental illness can only be blanketed by the term crazy because, it has not been recognized or even seen as an illness. But, to me, I have known the difference, and my mind runs like a faulty memory stick, it is running much slower than it did.

I was watching Chuggington and was comparing my mind troubles with the speed of the locomotives. There was one who was teased because he was slow and then he ended up being the hero and being plenty fast enough. Cone to realize he was just very cautious and often that slows one down. In a workday where speed is rewarded as better those who spend extra time thinking about something are seen as annoying and a bother, but through this cartoon I saw that my blinders or speedbump was forcing me to take note of things I might have been oblivious to.

I am reminded of a farside comic where a cow is sitting budah style n a grassy knoll saying something like "Throughout life's ups and downs, don't forget to stop and eat the roses."

The thing I realized is that society is moving towards speed and missing some very important things. Anyone can see that by examining fast food vs. what is best for man to consume.

The pebble

It is driving me crazy. Joseph has a pebble that is small and smooth but he protects it dearly, I don't know why. He took it out of his shoe, and was excited to show it to me.

Well, I think it is interesting...

Does it even count if it does not likely seem of interest to anyone else, but it does to me and I am my only audience, really.

Ok, here goes, perhaps I will complete a thought before my battery dies. When two people are involved anytime a meaningful union occurs the complexity of the union fluxuates. Huh?

The compatibility of two distinct wills fluctuates. What I am trying to say was so brilliantly captured in this lyric, "I'm open, You're closed."

And so I conclude that it is a miracle that any family ever existed and it surely required tons of faith in some greater purpose to unite and glue or seal parteners for ever. What I find most interesting is that it is done in such a state of ignorance, I wonder why that is. Did I know? Does it matter?

Let your light so shine?

We'll see.

In Ether 12 in the book of Mormon we are told that the Lord can make weak things strong unto us. So, I believe fully that running is a God given talent, and I will have it again, if just to prove that despite what science tells us and my ever growing tiredness, I will not give up! When I reach a point where I cannot seem to go forward I will pray harder and expect blessings. Maybe others will never even imagine the way I started and think my running just continued gracefully from birth, as It ought to have. I still believe that the greatest use of the body is in running. I feel a need to run that is so strong sometimes! It nearly brought me to tears when I could not even walk. My best friend tried to comfort me by saying, "not running Isn't such a big deal. Most people do not want to run anyway." Well, I do.

When I could I did not. It was not important and was not pursued. And they say "Use it or loose it." But, now that it is not even a real possibility for me, and requires a miracle, now I miss it and want it more than singing even. Next I am going to look up all of the scriptures I can that include the word run.

Perhaps, this talent was taken away so I would appreciate it. Though I cannot fully understand how this talent, when developed could be used to help others.

A living thing

Mom told me once about a type of photography where after a living thing had died, in the case I am thinking, it was a leaf and though part was missing, in this type of photo it still appeared.

I was thinking about photographs of people and wondering if the trapped image was of anything but the body. Cause yesterday we talked about how after death a body seemed incomplete and different without it's spirit. Are photos frozen moments of a living thing or are they just images of the visible body? I sorta feel like more of an essence is captured in photos somehow, maybe that is why we "Smile at the camera" to capture emotional state, too because physical is somehow not enough to record a living thing.

Relativity

You know how a clean house losses significance when a child needs you? That's how it is with love.

Through the eyes of love

I don't know if it is what the author of the lyrics, "...looking through the eyes of love." But, I am drawn curiously to certain images and as I admired them, I started thinking. Hmmm maybe it is myself I am seeing. Because, I am.able to notice so much goodness and beauty that I must have. Simply because it is not me. Yesterday, I was asked to think of what I loved about myself and how we should love others as we love ourself. So, as I was thinking, "This is me." Only better. I thought maybe I love to look because I see love and love is the foundation for everything.

Man's purpose

It is not what t seems.

I will list examples:

A group of people thought their planet was saved from being "cultivated" by life-sucking aliens because they killed themselves before they got old enough to be desirable to their foe. It seemed logical, but truthfully it was just a means of population control so they would no become too large or spread colonization to areas not protected by a "shield".

In a blessing s man was blessed that he would go to the temple with his wife and children to be sealed forever. but she died and one child left the church. It could be assumed that this "blessing" had been a lie, or maybe it was wrong to assume his fate included the family that was present.

I could give more examples, but the children are demanding my attention, by their actions.

Can I handle it?

I was thinking about how intensely I can love, but that made me fearful. I remember a story where someone was able to feel a fraction of the love God had for a person whom they otherwise disliked, and afterwards they needed to rest because it is so physically taxing to love someone.

Next the thought of how David was truly strong and mighty, but he was defeated by love it was stronger than him.

So, the thought is both hopeful and fearful. The thought is am I ready for such a burden David couldn't handle it, and it sort of ruined his life. Jesus could handle it, but look what else he could handle.

Maybe, that is a reason why we fast so much. It is multifold ofcourse, but it is to test how much we can handle.

I sort of have this advantage in that I don't get emtional or weepy very easily. And I feel bad because when others claim to feel things so strongly, I feel nothing. I always believed it did more than make me a weirdo, but it gave me a huge advantage in that I would not be blinded by my emotions. Instead it caused problems when I admit to others of not feeling a similar connection.

It is delightful though cause I realized that no matter how much I love my kids, my Heavenly Father loves me more. Could I really be that loved by another? Wow. Does my own mother love me that much, too? It really increases my self worth to think about.

But, it still remains that I to not want to try if I am not sufficiently prepared. It is why we have spouses to practice loving and to have someone to focus our love on kind of like how a reactor must have somewhere to dump all the excessive energy to mainstain a stable output.

Whale brains?

I just learned that it was examined neurologically and the killer whale actually has an entire extra brain lobe when compared to human, which if you are reading this, you are.

I couldn't help but notice their increase in family awareness and spirituality and note that it is a matriarcal society. "But, what does it mean?" I ask in the words of Jack Skellington.

Definately, not yet

As I was looking at a photo, recalling things I had thought before, I could not, honestly feel so now. I do not think that I was wrong. I just have a lot of growing to do to get to a starting point of comfort or peace...

Maybe not

Alright, maybe a triple barell curling iron is only interesting to me, but it is an option to get the look I want without a perm.

Stargate and scientific method

I do not necessarily think it was intended, though it may well have been. The stargate Atlantis episode pointed out that constants that appear to be related may not be.

I do not like that episode but for some reason my mind flipped to it. It is the episode near the beginning of the series about people not living past the age of 25. And it was always abided and it seemed that the consequence was that they were protected, but as it is pointed out, that much might have been falsely "proved" because the real reasons for the death of anyone who turns 25 and the protection of the people are not what scientifically could be proven.

Beguiled?

I always just understood the account of Adam & Eve in the Garden of Eden as something I would just never quite grasp. And that was ok, cause it was not needful. In particular, it boiled down every time to a word that was misunderstood. That word was beguiled.

I was quite familiar with this story from playing Eve multiple times in the one act play, a rendition of Mark Twain's Diary of Adam and Eve, and from Temple attendance. Still, everytime I would fail to see how the serpent could be blamed for doing anything wrong. I assumed that beguile must have meant a bad, blameable thing.

To me, if Eve could be exonerated when she did such a terrible thing, why did she just not take the blame herself? Further, it seemed always that the adversary was just playing a necessary role, and as such, why did he have to be blamed? But, last night I read a comment that helped me see it in a new light (it is sort of funny that to clarify things I,need to be less merciful).

The comment said to the effect that Eve was lied to and told a truth with a lie, a very subtle tricky tool used to get otherwise good people to align with something wrong.

I finally saw beguiling as being false. In this case it was used out of desperation, like a young child using what tools he has to get what,he wants. Though they are denied a thing they have something and use what they have. To me, though, that makes Eve Sooooo brilliant to recognize in retrospect when asked,that she was lied to. It is still a bit confusing to me though how we praise Eve for choosing correctly, so we all got to live. But we accuse the one who is responsible.

I suppose it is a weighty matter. One that will be a long time in coming into my perception...

Scarf

Ok, this is just for quick. Sunday amusement. Having said that. I woke up extra early this morning, not because of the kids or because it was our ward conference, but to look up how to wear a scarf. I have never had one, but wanted to wear it, and I figured at church, women would notice if it was worn incorrectly and think to themselves, "Oh, for shame. What a waste."