Can I handle it?

I was thinking about how intensely I can love, but that made me fearful. I remember a story where someone was able to feel a fraction of the love God had for a person whom they otherwise disliked, and afterwards they needed to rest because it is so physically taxing to love someone.

Next the thought of how David was truly strong and mighty, but he was defeated by love it was stronger than him.

So, the thought is both hopeful and fearful. The thought is am I ready for such a burden David couldn't handle it, and it sort of ruined his life. Jesus could handle it, but look what else he could handle.

Maybe, that is a reason why we fast so much. It is multifold ofcourse, but it is to test how much we can handle.

I sort of have this advantage in that I don't get emtional or weepy very easily. And I feel bad because when others claim to feel things so strongly, I feel nothing. I always believed it did more than make me a weirdo, but it gave me a huge advantage in that I would not be blinded by my emotions. Instead it caused problems when I admit to others of not feeling a similar connection.

It is delightful though cause I realized that no matter how much I love my kids, my Heavenly Father loves me more. Could I really be that loved by another? Wow. Does my own mother love me that much, too? It really increases my self worth to think about.

But, it still remains that I to not want to try if I am not sufficiently prepared. It is why we have spouses to practice loving and to have someone to focus our love on kind of like how a reactor must have somewhere to dump all the excessive energy to mainstain a stable output.