The next contestant, Sephiroth!

This morning I was thinking about how I have always struggled with establishing legitimacy. The golden rule seems ideal for me so I decided that it must be an issue like the one that keeps communism from working.

Then I started to think about how fortunate I have been with my children to get to play the role of good cop cause I do better being a friend or rewarding than punishing, like all of my opportunities for leadership.

As for me I always obeyed rules, just cause. If my parents or teachers told me to do something I did. I never needed a reason. I only remember one time my dad rescued me from the monster ghosts in my bedroom at night and he picked me up and flexed his arm and asked me to feel that muscle and know that he would never let any of the monsters get me.

So, that established my concepts that men needed to provide security and my legitimacy comes from their strength.

So what does Sephiroth have to do with it? Well, it starts with a Nickelback song. I liked the song because it suggests that when men fight for you the last one standing is the fittest. I like that. And well, when I want to be in love I watch Sephiroth because he is the most fit man in the world, and is extremely handsome. Really, I think he is attractive because of the fear he invokes in his foes. I want him on my side.

A piece of sand in my clamshell

There was a tiny weeny comment made the other day in passing. It was the kind used to build a small talk conversation. It was intended to be spoken and forgotten. No feeling was used in it's incantation or anything. Yet, my mind was agitated and I suspect this idea will not ever sit comfortably, but eventually form a pearl.

I thought this metaphor could be applied to many such thoughts that we all carry around with us. Ideas that once spoken can not be recalled. I have heard them as referred to as rose colored glasses. They are the ideas that no matter why stick with us and become part of us.

My particular grain of uncomfortable sand was a tossed comment made by my husband to my daughter. She was following him around saying, "Daddy, Daddy, Daddy." She is just proud of her vocabulary, nothing more. Still, this annoys him greatly, so he turned to her and said, "How do you even know that I am your daddy?"

Well, to me it is proposterous to even think otherwise, let alone,let it come out of your mouth. Still, I do not think anything was implied it was just a group of idly tossed words. But, it has bothered and crumpled,my thoughts ever since.

It produced thoughts like, well, how do we even know that we are children of God, and so I will consider that my pearl. Scientifically, uh, all hail trusted science. So, why is it we trust science anyway? I was meaning to,mention that there are scientific proofs that can determine mortal parenthood, by charting out matching character traits, most dependably our DNA. Likewise, we have inherited similar spiritual markers in our "divine natures".

When my children were first learning the art of communication, namely, Language. I would use books, ofcourse. One book in particular,has been a constant and adored, because of the pictures, I guess. No, not Elmo, but, the book of Mormon. I have two interesting stories. One about my oldest daughter, and the other about my youngest son. Ha ha ha I had a type error of "... my youngest sin." How funny!

Ok, first, Lena. I was reviewing the photos and telling her the story of each, which she seemed to prefer anyway. I figured that with so much repetition that she would learn to recognize on sight. So, we were visiting another church building in Nashville, TN at Christmastime, she was barely 2 and I walked with her through the halls and we saw a picture of the Savior and I thought now would be an appropriate time to tell a Cristmas story. So, I asked, "Who is that?" Without hesitation, she blurted, "Daddy!" I thought it was cute and figured that she deduced that Daddy was a man and maybe Daddy referred to all men. I corrected her and told my story.

It is only later that I started thinking of how Jesus said, "If you have seen me, you have seen my father." So many things Lena said or says are extremely instructional to me, such is this case.

Next story is about my son. He is barely 3 right now. His name is Joseph. This is significant to this story. I would read chapter before bed, and before that I would open to the pictures and ask then tell him who everyone was. He is very smart. One night, I sat.down on his bed and he opened the book to the picture of Joseph Smith and asked me, "Who is that?" I told him that it was Joseph Smith. He proceeded to say, "It is boy." I'm too cold to go any further with the moral or lesson behind his.story, but, there you have it.

Preface

This may be late in coming, but as I was looking for a blog classification to place my blossoming idea, I felt this particular blog needed a bit of a public disclaimer or definition.

Information contained here is interesting flashes of insight, though the interest is likely just my own, and I felt a need to inform the casual reader that they need not gleen this information in hopes of finding that ever so interesting factoid or what not.

Though, it may not be interesting to the reader, my intent was to capture points of interest to me, I got this idea from one that struck me as particularly fascinating, actually two combined, as that is what I do.  The two thoughts were: I only know what I like. And, no matter what you say, someone will find a soulmate and declare "me too!". With those in mind, perhaps my blog is an attempt to make the world a tad less lonely.

This would be really cool

I just had a little idea that I wanted to jot down in case I for got it, but I probably won't. there are things that I forget if I don't act on them instantly, or wrte them down. Because, let's face it, My memory doesn't work so well. I absolutely hate forgetting things.

That brings me to this thought.

Eventually, my forgetting will start to effect my acting. I wil forget all of the little stories I organize in my head to live by. So, here is the cool thought: What if we could just be unpretendingly ourselves; moreover, we could say things like "you are so lucky to have me." and not say it for any pretense, but honestly have that much respect for ourselves that we can be completely honest with someone.

 I mean, come on, if there truly is a "meant to be" or intended, then we could freely admit it as they could, too. Now, I'm singng that Toad, the Wet Sprocket song "All I Want" the part about but, we wouldn't be that brave, I know.

Seriously, just imagine that we all coud value ourself so much to see our own self as a prize for someone. We can easily see that others are a priz for us. bla blah, Oh, I love you so completely, ya da ya da..." Now the song "More Than Words" in playing in my head, maybe that is why my parents liked that song so much because that much didn't need to be said in public, cause they were both extremely lucky and they knew it! I guess it was just dad's way of showing it to smack mom's butt and it was her way to act al offended. But obviously it wasn't so offensive or I wouldn't have 6 brothers and sisters.

I had it wrong, backwards maybe, I started aiming for children and family before I fell in love, but as we studid the teachings of Erikson in Psychology, our teacher lectured how important doing things in their proper order is. It was suggested that if we miss a step then our whole infrastructure will crumble. It is like playing a RPG and skipping a side-adventure because it seems unimportant at the time, and we gain a whole lot of strength and stuff just to find ouselves damned and unable to continue our quest becsause there was some vital object that we missed along the way, so we start over and redo it properly.

Um, I'm getting very side-tracked. But let me just say it plainly here and be on my way:

silly willy was a bear. Silly willie had no hair so silly will was no bear now was he really?

I'm back, I think that humility is important, but the thing that I love about Sephiroth is how he just does, unapologetically, what he wants and is able to say who he wants to please. I would absolutely ove to find a place to shed every piece of pretense.Ooooooh! I wrote a poem aboutthat though it realy didn't make so much sense when I wrote it. I was just a willing conduit.

here it is:

The Mirror Man

Looking at you,
I see forever
So I look away...
I'm not accustomed
to a one-way mirror.
With you my reflection
is Absorbed.
My appearance fades
Leaving a naked soul.
To share a thought
Brings a coy Smile
Don't, I beg strip me
Of my thoughts, for my emotions
Find shelter there
Your frown I could not bear.

 

 

Which reminds me of a video to a song by Vertical Horizon where a girl smashes a mirror and there is a guy behind it. Ih that reminds me of the wizzard oh OZ. I only wanted to say how I think that that guy who writes the songs for Vertical Horizon, or that Train guy would be great friends. but, dare I say that I would be  great perso for them to know? hmmm... really they are only of more consequence right now, but our ideas sort of even out the playing field eternally, I guess it is expected that I got to live at this time to be influenced by them, and think they could be just as lucky to be influenced by me, but that wil not happen, and so my conclusion is that the finger of blame falls with the hand of justicce and that finger points directly at me, because I have een too quiet and self absorbed instead of allowing myself to be readily available to the many who might have benefitted,

 

Nobody likes me, everybodyu hates me. Might as well go eat worms.

A more accurate story

Fables and folk tales are a better history because of their blatant outlandishness, they obviously have not been molded to fit the world around them. And they are more full of the tradition and superstition of the age that gave birth to them. Most are handed down directly, with no threat or attempt to explain anything more. True relationships are preserved and yeild a more fascinating result than studying history books; not to say that fascination or entertainment ought to be our ultimate goal. Too often I have griped about pereption created by historical fiction, because it is more popular and suited for it's audience, one that will never look for the truth beyond what is presented specifically for their liking.

I could rant nearly forever on this topic. In my musicology class we were supposed to see the movie "Immortal Beloved", but because of the venue, and lack of desire to persue trying to see it, I just wrote about the movie Amadeus and used such to apply to all like historical fictions. I was the only "A" in the class and the only one who had never seen the film, ironically. But really, when did that ever stop a record keeper from sharing his thoughts? Likewise these are mine, that if we could truly learn from history why not turn to historical books which never had the intent of telling the reader how to suppose things went.

I like Folk lore and such books as the Bible (unaltered translations). It is from such sources I can extrapolate great truths and meanings, after all isn't that why we study the past? It's all been done, read all about it!

handicaps

     Why the heck do I think of this stuff? I don't know, but I intend to tell someone what it was nonetheless.

     In sports we have "handicaps" and everyone knows that having one gives you an advantage.
I recall a documentary we saw in grade school about a woman who had no use of arms or hands so she developed the great talent of using her legs and toes to do everything like picking apples and cutting hair.

      It is similar of mankind, let me explain. I have often felt slighted or something because I was not "endowed" with the power of God, let me rephrase that, I have felt men were particularly favored by getting the priesthood, which I believe is the same power God has to accomplish things, to organize and command things and have them obey. But, women, have developed a great talent in lieu of being so handicapped.

      I started out thinking about how many sister missionaries there are from our ward, I was wondering if this was unusual. I thought I doubt they have pushed their young women to serve missions, but it is due to the outstanding parents who instill such feelings of wisdom and truth in these girls that they feel obliged to share, and the world is luckier because of it!

I have been pondering on our known senses. they are all physical abilities, but watching science fiction/fantasy, I was prompted to think there must be more abilities that we possess, that have not been noticed or unearthed yet.
      It has often commented how "spiritual" women naturally are. I noticed how more expressful of such things they are, or how much more such feelings are exressed in tears. It has almost become the norm for women to cry when they "feel" something. I am a woman, but I can say honestly  that his must be a learned resonse that I have not learned, though sometimes I cry when "moved" but, not as any evidence that I spiritually "feel" anything. I am just emotional, maybe another handicap of women. I think women seem to have developed a greater talent because of their handicap of not having the priesthood power.

      In Stargate Atlantis, the Ancients created a replicator who was intended to combat their enemy the wraith, but tend toward hating humans as being the more favored sibling of their parents. This seems to me, to be a common downfall of those with handicaps or disabilities.

     While I was in hospital physical therapy, I saw a cross-stitched quote on the wall, it was so profound years later, I still remember it and allow it to continue teaching me. It said, "If you think you can or think you can't, you are right." And I will finish off with a story. In middleschool, track I had after school at the high school a mile walk away. I stopped taking my trombone home everyday, my band director took note of which instruments were left at school, thus not practiced. and he spoke to me about it. I felt like I had a good excuse. Trombones are heavy and I had no where to safely store it. He simply said "Where there is a will there is a way." I found the way and from then on I would not give up until I found a solution. I thrived in Future Problen Solver's of America because of my unique solutions. I really owe most success in my life to that little event and well placed saying.

Small world

It always seems like a small world when you're a Mormon. It is a common "coincidence" to find like-minded people. The church buildings are like magnets that draw us to varying degrees. As the objects acted upon, we, as filament follow a similar pattern as is done around the world, finding ourselves aligned perfectly Or in my case the phenomenom of people across the world who sing the same songs and read the same book and are taught the same things a very common thing. Hence the church is the same everywhere making it a sort of surrogate family. where you always find familiarity. I am so thankful for that.

There are issues that distinguish me from my counterparts and I am so thankful that I don't have to have those interests, too. recognizing similarities across borders makes the world small, but there are differences and the size only seemed small.

No details required

The beauty of it all is not in the details So, just think of your own story and how you can apply this. In Cheerleading we did a cool floor routine for BLT not the McDonalds sandwich but the song by New Order. Here is a cool idea for a BLT, Some of the best stories are filled with this sort of unrequited love, but there is no longer a reason to stay quiet or even requieted.

The one I loved, thought I loved someone else,
then the one who loves me doesn't realize the trouble is that I did love them.

I used the pronoun in a sneaky way to obscure what I'm really saying even more cause it's not really the point.

Masks

why do super heroes wear masks, and superstars wear sunglasses?
I think it is because every person holds a place in your mind and most people remember the eyes ( eye scan recognition, too ) so if that is disguised they supposedly won't be recognized. well, I don't usually remember eyes at all. If It weren't for my kids I wouldn't even know what color my husband's eyes are. But, alot of people mention the eyes of my children, that is the first thing noticed.

mother's day

It is exactly the kind of thing to which I need to draw attention.

My first year I asked that we have weekly FHE for my gift, doesn't happen. Then, last year I asked for a table to eat at for dinner. I was so busy being thankful, I failed to notice the blarringly obvious, that we did not have a table and my husband only got one because I expressed a desire for one, and I'm the wierd one for wanting a table to eat together at. A year later, the table makes a nice resconsideredd OUR kids.ting place for my laptop and my kids eat there. Yeah *MY* kids not considered OUR kids. Hmmmmm a lot to think about.