This would be really cool

I just had a little idea that I wanted to jot down in case I for got it, but I probably won't. there are things that I forget if I don't act on them instantly, or wrte them down. Because, let's face it, My memory doesn't work so well. I absolutely hate forgetting things.

That brings me to this thought.

Eventually, my forgetting will start to effect my acting. I wil forget all of the little stories I organize in my head to live by. So, here is the cool thought: What if we could just be unpretendingly ourselves; moreover, we could say things like "you are so lucky to have me." and not say it for any pretense, but honestly have that much respect for ourselves that we can be completely honest with someone.

 I mean, come on, if there truly is a "meant to be" or intended, then we could freely admit it as they could, too. Now, I'm singng that Toad, the Wet Sprocket song "All I Want" the part about but, we wouldn't be that brave, I know.

Seriously, just imagine that we all coud value ourself so much to see our own self as a prize for someone. We can easily see that others are a priz for us. bla blah, Oh, I love you so completely, ya da ya da..." Now the song "More Than Words" in playing in my head, maybe that is why my parents liked that song so much because that much didn't need to be said in public, cause they were both extremely lucky and they knew it! I guess it was just dad's way of showing it to smack mom's butt and it was her way to act al offended. But obviously it wasn't so offensive or I wouldn't have 6 brothers and sisters.

I had it wrong, backwards maybe, I started aiming for children and family before I fell in love, but as we studid the teachings of Erikson in Psychology, our teacher lectured how important doing things in their proper order is. It was suggested that if we miss a step then our whole infrastructure will crumble. It is like playing a RPG and skipping a side-adventure because it seems unimportant at the time, and we gain a whole lot of strength and stuff just to find ouselves damned and unable to continue our quest becsause there was some vital object that we missed along the way, so we start over and redo it properly.

Um, I'm getting very side-tracked. But let me just say it plainly here and be on my way:

silly willy was a bear. Silly willie had no hair so silly will was no bear now was he really?

I'm back, I think that humility is important, but the thing that I love about Sephiroth is how he just does, unapologetically, what he wants and is able to say who he wants to please. I would absolutely ove to find a place to shed every piece of pretense.Ooooooh! I wrote a poem aboutthat though it realy didn't make so much sense when I wrote it. I was just a willing conduit.

here it is:

The Mirror Man

Looking at you,
I see forever
So I look away...
I'm not accustomed
to a one-way mirror.
With you my reflection
is Absorbed.
My appearance fades
Leaving a naked soul.
To share a thought
Brings a coy Smile
Don't, I beg strip me
Of my thoughts, for my emotions
Find shelter there
Your frown I could not bear.

 

 

Which reminds me of a video to a song by Vertical Horizon where a girl smashes a mirror and there is a guy behind it. Ih that reminds me of the wizzard oh OZ. I only wanted to say how I think that that guy who writes the songs for Vertical Horizon, or that Train guy would be great friends. but, dare I say that I would be  great perso for them to know? hmmm... really they are only of more consequence right now, but our ideas sort of even out the playing field eternally, I guess it is expected that I got to live at this time to be influenced by them, and think they could be just as lucky to be influenced by me, but that wil not happen, and so my conclusion is that the finger of blame falls with the hand of justicce and that finger points directly at me, because I have een too quiet and self absorbed instead of allowing myself to be readily available to the many who might have benefitted,

 

Nobody likes me, everybodyu hates me. Might as well go eat worms.