In my do over, I realized that I made a mistake again, and both times it was because I refused to believe in something better than good.
So, realizing that changes nothing. unless...no, I would not be that brave, I know.
We all do it. We give up what we could have because what we have is already good. And it actually it makes good sense kinda. Like in black jack or any risk taking prospect.
Humility. Good idea.
This is another outrage caused by realizations formed due to watching Stargate Atlantis.
I have related to Rodney McKay, especially his angst at being mistaken in this episode. Then, as I was thinking about how brilliant the show was and it was canceled, ofcourse, an obvious parallel. Almost everything I love is almost purposely ignored. Those thoughts made me wonder what would be loved by most? And eventually I realized that maybe the writers thought the show would appeal to a lot of people. Maybe it would and that is precisely why the show was canceled. There is a line regarding such an occurance when the head of Atlantis was ranting about being reviewed by another clueless agency. The snide comment was, "I am likely going to be a product of my own success."
I just now see how venting about the IOA was a way to vent about the mass of fools with the buying power that make the descisions. All artists have.something to say or they would be doing something more obviously useful, like making shoes (from Anonymous the movie).
This has all been a big scam, even if you turn off your computer and leave the country there is a nano camera in your eyebrow, if you see it, we see it!
This question prompts some interesting answers. When did Jesus figure out who he was?
This morning I was thinking about how I have always struggled with establishing legitimacy. The golden rule seems ideal for me so I decided that it must be an issue like the one that keeps communism from working.
Then I started to think about how fortunate I have been with my children to get to play the role of good cop cause I do better being a friend or rewarding than punishing, like all of my opportunities for leadership.
As for me I always obeyed rules, just cause. If my parents or teachers told me to do something I did. I never needed a reason. I only remember one time my dad rescued me from the monster ghosts in my bedroom at night and he picked me up and flexed his arm and asked me to feel that muscle and know that he would never let any of the monsters get me.
So, that established my concepts that men needed to provide security and my legitimacy comes from their strength.
So what does Sephiroth have to do with it? Well, it starts with a Nickelback song. I liked the song because it suggests that when men fight for you the last one standing is the fittest. I like that. And well, when I want to be in love I watch Sephiroth because he is the most fit man in the world, and is extremely handsome. Really, I think he is attractive because of the fear he invokes in his foes. I want him on my side.
There was a tiny weeny comment made the other day in passing. It was the kind used to build a small talk conversation. It was intended to be spoken and forgotten. No feeling was used in it's incantation or anything. Yet, my mind was agitated and I suspect this idea will not ever sit comfortably, but eventually form a pearl.
I thought this metaphor could be applied to many such thoughts that we all carry around with us. Ideas that once spoken can not be recalled. I have heard them as referred to as rose colored glasses. They are the ideas that no matter why stick with us and become part of us.
My particular grain of uncomfortable sand was a tossed comment made by my husband to my daughter. She was following him around saying, "Daddy, Daddy, Daddy." She is just proud of her vocabulary, nothing more. Still, this annoys him greatly, so he turned to her and said, "How do you even know that I am your daddy?"
Well, to me it is proposterous to even think otherwise, let alone,let it come out of your mouth. Still, I do not think anything was implied it was just a group of idly tossed words. But, it has bothered and crumpled,my thoughts ever since.
It produced thoughts like, well, how do we even know that we are children of God, and so I will consider that my pearl. Scientifically, uh, all hail trusted science. So, why is it we trust science anyway? I was meaning to,mention that there are scientific proofs that can determine mortal parenthood, by charting out matching character traits, most dependably our DNA. Likewise, we have inherited similar spiritual markers in our "divine natures".
When my children were first learning the art of communication, namely, Language. I would use books, ofcourse. One book in particular,has been a constant and adored, because of the pictures, I guess. No, not Elmo, but, the book of Mormon. I have two interesting stories. One about my oldest daughter, and the other about my youngest son. Ha ha ha I had a type error of "... my youngest sin." How funny!
Ok, first, Lena. I was reviewing the photos and telling her the story of each, which she seemed to prefer anyway. I figured that with so much repetition that she would learn to recognize on sight. So, we were visiting another church building in Nashville, TN at Christmastime, she was barely 2 and I walked with her through the halls and we saw a picture of the Savior and I thought now would be an appropriate time to tell a Cristmas story. So, I asked, "Who is that?" Without hesitation, she blurted, "Daddy!" I thought it was cute and figured that she deduced that Daddy was a man and maybe Daddy referred to all men. I corrected her and told my story.
It is only later that I started thinking of how Jesus said, "If you have seen me, you have seen my father." So many things Lena said or says are extremely instructional to me, such is this case.
Next story is about my son. He is barely 3 right now. His name is Joseph. This is significant to this story. I would read chapter before bed, and before that I would open to the pictures and ask then tell him who everyone was. He is very smart. One night, I sat.down on his bed and he opened the book to the picture of Joseph Smith and asked me, "Who is that?" I told him that it was Joseph Smith. He proceeded to say, "It is boy." I'm too cold to go any further with the moral or lesson behind his.story, but, there you have it.
